Take positive action

I am getting ahold of myself to take positive action, I think I will try and get a small rowing machine, one which i can take out and put away easily. Rowing machines are supposed to be good for excercising all the muscles in the body so I can improve my strength. If I can start doing that in the mornings for 10 - 15 minutes each day I feel hopeful I can improve. Also, Hubby has had good news on the work front so I have a feeling this might be the begining of a sign of things to come.... I feel I should also clarify that last year was a pretty amazing year, although it was pretty stressful at times, we still managed to pull off a wedding in six months and have the most incredible honeymoon ever! That I cannot complain about! Borneo was the most unique, beautiful, strange and wonderful experience. I really am a very lucky lady indeed and I have an awful lot to be grateful for.

2013 better be good! Or else!

So not the greatest start to 2013, I have had flu for the last 5 weeks and pretty much missed out on all the fun stuff over Christmas and New Year which in turn meant Hubby missed out too.... we have both ended up pretty fed up and miserable truth be known. I think, I think though that today I may be turning a corner and possibly feeling a bit better!!! I can't stand being unwell though - its a hang up from my long term illness that whenever I get ill, if lasts longer than two days I get really depressed. I heard a line in a film today which went along the lines of, 'death is easy, death is peaceful; Life is hard'. It's so true, life is hard, and even if you think positively which I try to do, sometimes its hard to see the breaks. I am struggling again truth be told, what with thinking about what to do about IVF and then also what am I doing with my life??? I just feel in a fog. I am finding it hard to get clarity on anything at the moment. I just don't know what I want and the trouble is I know I'm becoming more afraid. I'm afraid to get out there and live. Being unwell for so many weeks has made me physically very weak and the more I am physically weak, the more afraid I am. I get scared that I won't get fit again and that my body will just increasingly go into decline. I cannot let this happen. See how self pitying I am, its so selfish - I actually loathe talking this way. I never respected people who moaned and didn't just pick themselves up and get on with life, so how can I respect myself now? I must try and focus on all the good and precious things in my life. My husband for one. He is so special to me, he is honestly like an angel who has come into my life - I can't imagine not being with him now and we seem to fit together so well. I know above all else that I can be there for him.