The Royal Wedding

http://news.msn.co.nz/article/8242864/wills-and-kates-double-balcony-kiss

How romantic and beautiful today has been. I didn't think I was that bothered about it on the run up to the event but, actually watching it happen live, it was really magical. They truly seemed like a couple in love and it was quite unique in terms of the royal weddings that have gone before. It really seemed like they were enjoying every moment and were happy to embrace the love of every person who had come out and stayed overnight to try and catch a glimpse of them. It feels like it could be a key turning point in the current history of our Royal family. A new leaf is being turned and finally through Will and Kate there will be a reunion between the royals and the general public. I don't mean this in a snobby royalist way but, more in the way that I feel they will be more down to earth and able to empathise with people. Less them and us and more of a united front. No matter whether you like the royals or not, they are undeniably a firm part of our history and they help make our country unique.This could be a big boost for our economy and general popularity in the world, which is never a bad thing.... We wish you joy and happiness Kate and Will - you deserve it.

A very useful and interesting read

Every so often I buy Psychologies magazine. I highly recommend it, its so interesting and very readable. A lot of the articles you can put into practice in your own life and they do quite a lot of questionaire type things to find out what sort of person you are. Most of the time I wouldn't recommend these but these ones are very perceptive and even if you don't seem to relate to the questions that much usually the summary which is for 'you' is surprisingly accurate. It can also help you gain perspective on different aspects of your life that are bothering you ie. life satisfaction, relationship dilemma's etc. I really like it and its better that Heat magazine which only purpose is to make you insecure about any wobbly bits you might have and whether you are still attractive without makeup. F**k you trash magazines. Although having said that I do like a bit of celebrity goss! Ha ha ha. Closer and Look are good tat mags for a bit of brainless reading. The only other mags I like are The Times Style magazine and The Times sunday magazine, perfect perusal mags for a sunny sunday afternoon relaxing.

Eastenders made me cry

It's just the most emotional storyline, and very, very sad. It made me think about my own situation and whether I would ever have a child myself one day. Part of me thinks I shouldn't even go there as I don't feel like I could cope with looking after a child right now or maybe not ever. It's a little bit odd really, having children is almost part of why we are here, it's what we do. We get married, we have a family. Are you complete if you never have children? I guess that comes down to how you feel.... I can't quite pinpoint how I feel though, I'm just waiting to get my own life back on track and then hopefully start really enjoying life to the full. Will I want to give that up in a short time so I could have children? Time is running out as far as my physical body is concerned, but you can't make that a reason for having a child. Besides, you need to have two willing parents to be and I'm not sure the Boyf wants that. I do think adoption later in life could be a very real option but there again, that is not an easy path to take. It's a long process and I imagine expensive too. Oh well, back to taking one day at a time then. It's all you can do sometimes.

Mikel Therapy to treat Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

My friend Miss Fashionista unfortunately suffered Chronic Fatigue/ME to an incapacitating state. She suffered being bed ridden and even went blind at one point. Luckily she recovered her eyesight. Happily she has recovered and is in the 3rd year of her fashion degree and has just recently got engaged! She is a beautiful, bubbly person and very easy to talk to so who else better to ask than her when I got my diagnosis for CFS. She recommended Mikel therapy. She directed me to where she went for treatment and seeing as I know how unwell she was and the fact she is better now, I definitely trust her recommendation. Here is an excerpt from the website:

What does the therapy consist of:

i) Education

Basically CFS is about getting stuck in what is called the 'fight or flight' mode . 'Fight or flight' describes a state of alarm and how the body reacts to it. In CFS it becomes permanent and self perpetuating. Circumstances that happened usually have a big part to play in the original onset. Ignorance and misunderstandings create further confusion and frustration. This is the self-perpetuating part of it. In the explanation of this I prefer to stick to a very basic and logical understanding of why people get CFS - using biological facts that are simple to follow. Then there is an exploration of what they might be doing that might prolong it. This is not a blame finding situation. (If you don't know the cause it is hard to know the cure.) Dr Mickel has developed a second strand of explanation. This is a streamlined, quantum physics, vibrational energy approach. Some people get along better with this and I can work with this if preferred, though I find that most understand the original explanations perfectly. In itself this map of understanding is sufficient for many people to take themselves back to happy functioning.

ii) Observation and Separation

There is much confusion as to what is a CFS symptom and what isn't. Some blame everything on the CFS. This is understandable. But so is the fact that if you took an athlete and put him in a cave for five years s/he would not be at their best when released. Many of the symptoms experienced in CFS are secondary to the effect of being in that cave. That is not CFS. More it is an expectable result from making demands on a de-conditioned body. CFS symptoms are generated by the 'alarm' centre. They arise when something is making your environment in some way uncomfortable. When you can see what causes these true symptoms you are in a position to start listening to what your body is trying to tell you. After understanding the principles of how the body reacts when alarmed, the second step is one of watching 'cause' and 'effect' What rings the alarm and what effect it has on you. This can be very different for different challenges.

iii) Action

Once you can observe you can predict and once you can predict you have control. The therapy at this stage is one of applying some simple universal applications to whatever it is that is setting off the alarm. Old habits can make this awkward to begin with. This has much to do with personal style and nature. A journal of symptoms is kept and gone through in the sessions to bring skill to the handling of these changes.

iv) Parallel re-conditioning to generate natural physical health without fear of 'relapse'.

Hmm something else I wasn't told:

'Cushing's syndrome results in significant impairment in quality of life. Unfortunately, in the long term this is only partially improved with treatment. The affective and cognitive changes associated with Cushing’s syndrome are particularly slow to resolve, and may not normalize'

Ah ha found it: (In relation to comment in my previous post - Nights like this.)

'All patients receiving chronic glucocorticoid replacement therapy should be instructed that they are “dependent” on taking glucocorticoids as prescribed, and that failure to take or absorb the medication will lead to adrenal crisis and possibly death.'

Great news. So when I am caught listening to my neighbour around 12 in the afternoon, do I suddenly rush off to take my pill in case I go into adrenal crisis??

To be honest that does sound a bit dramatic; I know I don't feel quite right if I don't take my pills on time but I don't think the reaction would be so severe so quickly - I know because I have forgotten to take it until a couple of hours late on occasion!

If you have Cushings or suspect you might have Cushings Disease; read this.

http://www.endotext.org/neuroendo/neuroendo7/neuroendo7.html It has a lot of medical jargon in it but, read between the lines and it is very informative.

Its night like these

It has reached 10pm and I should be feeling quite happy. I had friends over and its been a lovely sunny day but it was not the day I had in my mind. I had my BFF and her husband and son over which was lovely and I was looking forward to them and Boyf having a chance to get to know each other. I just don't think Boyf was in the right frame of mind. It wasn't just today though things have been difficult. I wonder if Boyf needs more time on his own than spending time with me on the weekend. Saturday morning he had a golf lesson followed by a massage so we didn't meet up until the afternoon, and from then it all went pear-shaped. After lunch I decided to do some gardening and tidy up our rockery - I also wanted to plant some plants I had bought from the market. It damn near killed me clearing one tiny little patch as the whole thing had become infested with grass and knot weed. I made a bit of headway though and managed to get one hydrangea in and some lilac bulbs. Whoopdido. Sweaty, slightly muddy and shattered; I came in. Boyf was on the big sofa (we have two sofa's) I wanted to sit down maybe eat a little fruit (which was why I wanted to sit on that sofa - by the coffee table. It makes sense if you know our lounge) before I went up for a shower. However a grumpy voice told me that there was no room on the sofa as Boyf was stretched out and comfortable. Brilliant. I couldn't be bothered to argue so I went and had my shower. I came back down and there was Boyf snuggled up on said sofa with Molly (large female boxer dog). Talk about salt in the wound. What I don't understand and I wish someone would explain is, why is it women go to great lengths to think about how their man is feeling when it obvious that men do not do the same. For example, number 1. when Boyf gets in from work I try not to bombard him with questions or tell him about my day so he has a chance to unwind. I also would not choose this time to discuss important issues. (If I had any). Number 2 when Boyf has been cleaning the cars or working hard outside on the weekend I ask him if he is ok when he comes in and offer him tea or drinks. I do wonder though, if it is all because at the moment I am not working and although he says it as a joke, he think I am 'living the dream'. Its so hard for me to put into words what is really going on with me. Its like I get so tired sometimes I feel like a dead stone and then at other times I feel quite normal and have lots of energy. I then do a load of stuff and it turns my body into an old granny body. I walked the dog this afternoon and my hip started playing up. I did another 10 minute workout but I couldn't finish it because my arms were too weak. I am not saying I am giving up because I am not I think I can be fit again - it will take a while but I think its possible. I can't stand being weak. I am quite obsessed with watching Got to Dance at the moment and I think its partly because I am overwhelmed by the strength and grace the dancers have. I would love to be able to feel like that, to feel strong in my body. The last time I felt fit was probably 2002 when I was 23. I am going to be 32 this year. Its not just fit I'm talking about, it's not being totally fucked. God, I hate this, I was brought up not to be a whinger and here I am whinging. I've been watching Katie Piper's Beautiful Friends and its kind of strange, because although they are different on the outside rather than the inside as I am, I can relate to some of the things they have been through, Cushings changed me a lot physically as well as mentally. Even now I have hang ups about the chronic fatigue, (not to mention some physical aspects that changed my body as a result of Cushings and have not got better) but I forget that I actually take medication to make my body work every day. I wonder what exactly would happen if I stopped taking the medication. I think I probably know the answer to that. The thing about not having a pituitary that works is it is like having your legs chopped off only no-one else can see and they don't help you. Boyf says I am needy and I probably am, I crave affection and hugs and kisses, I think because it makes me feel something, like I am wanted, needed somehow. I get upset if he leaves for work and doesn't kiss me, or goes to bed and doesn't say goodnight and give me a goodnight kiss. Is it because this is the only small validation I get that I am worth something? I am not able to give anything financially apart from buying groceries occasionally. I try and keep up with the housework along with trying to get myself fitter and better. I just can't get over the feeling though that Boyf and other people, outside of my family, would have more respect for me if I had a job. You always have the come back then 'well, I'm working too you know!' what do you say when you have been at home all day and especially if you have had a day when you have felt unable to do anything. Boyf phones me and says ' so what you been up to today?' - a perfectly normal and reasonable question... I then feel slightly akward and maybe even a bit embaressed when I have to say, 'well, actually not that much today, I haven't really done anything.' Its worse when you know your Boyf works really hard. He puts so much into his work. He comes home most nights and still has to do work and quite often on the weekend it doesn't stop. It's very stressful for him and I know he gets very tired. I feel guilty and sad and needy all at once because even though I realise this I desperately want his time and attention because he is all I have. I don't mean in the sense I don't have family or friends but in the sense that he is the only person that I see every night and sometimes the only person I will have seen all day (don't get the violins out, this doesn't happen very often, and I don't really mind it.) Then there is the added pressure on him that I love him so much, and adore his company. I can't help wondering if I had a job, perhaps I wouldn't focus on him so much. Then again I am not sure I would crave his hugs and kisses any less. I can't help thinking in one corner of my mind though - is this a sad situation that works needs to be an answer to a relationship problem. Boyf would probably say there is no problem but I think there is, well it feels like a problem to me. Like an elephant in the room. Oh, I don't know, I am rambling now as my brain is starting to scramble all over the place as I am getting tired. I am tempted to look for a job. I just don't know what to do though??? Ideally for me to cope with it, it would need to start around 10am and finish at around 4pm. Definitely with a lunch break included! Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays would be a good start so I would have a day to recover in between. It sounds pathetic doesn't it. Or if you are just lazy, and obviously don't have children, quite good! What can I do!!??? Its shitty because not only am I forced to compromise how many hours I can work but also I can't pursue the jobs I would really love to do. The only thing I can think that might work is a receptionist job. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a receptionist but I think its fair to say most people would see it as a spring board job to something else. I have done it before so I know I could do it, perhaps it just depends where you work as a receptionist, maybe if it was somewhere that interested me it wouldn't be so bad. Ok, so if you happen to know of somewhere, let me know.... Right, time to stop rambling, I'm actually giving myself a headache let alone whoever might be reading this. Sorry.

Determination whats you need!

You can say that again. I have done two lots of 10 minute excercise today - ballet and tummy blast. I am on a mission and I will be firm again, no more fattie pattie for me. I just want to get some muscle back and a bit of tone please. It's not too much to ask. I will definitely recommend if you don't like excercise, doing the 10 minute solution DVD; Dance Your Body Thin - this is a much more fun way to excercise so you don't feel like it's a chore and the dancing is more of a distraction. Plus an added bonus is it is really, really simple. I am rubbish at complicated dance routines and this doesn't even go there. Brilliant! It has 5x10 dance workouts so you don't get bored doing the same thing every time and 10mins is really not too bad to fit into your day. If you are like me - really unfit - 10 minutes is just about perfect to get you started on the road to fitness. You know you have done something but it's not too much. I am going to try and do this at least every other day and see how it helps. It is also good for people with CFS as doing no excercise at all can be just as damaging as trying to do too much.... Just wait, I'll be fitter than Jane Fonda in no time!

On the bright side

Looking on the bright side I have some good friends coming over on Sunday for a very english tea, scones and Cluedo afternoon. I think it will be lovely and I might even get some bubbly in as husband of one of said good friends has had some brilliant news regarding his business which definitely deserves celebrating! Congratulations Mr. B!

Ups and Downs.....

So, for the fifth time I received my letter from Oxford endocrine clinic to confirm my condition and diagnosis of chronic fatigue, but again for the FIFTH time the wording was still not right! Gaaaahhhhh! I have phoned them so many times over the last 4 months I have lost count. It has become a really stressful situation which should have been so simple and completed months ago. I have been patient, very patient but I think this takes the piss. I am sick of everthing taking so long to sort out in the NHS, even the simplest things. Don't get me wrong I am very grateful to have the NHS and well, quite frankly I woiuld be dead without it but, my god they have been testing my gratefulness lately!
At least I know now, having seen the neurologist that I have no more neurological problems. I will be having tests to check the cognitive functions of my brain just to make sure there is no specific damage to any particular areas but I think it will be ok.
I am really looking forward to getting some normality back in my life.....

Mothers Day - A success. Tick.

Made lunch for Ma and Pa and was really pleased how it came out. Did marinated tuna steaks in fresh ginger, lime, salt, pepper and oil for me and Mum. The boys had rump steak marinated in lemon, chilli, salt and pepper, and oil. Nice and easy....Peel some new potato's boil them and in the mean time get your oven heated. Put a dish big enough for the potato's  with oil and fresh herbs into the oven to heat up. Boil your spuds for 8 mins. When they are ready stick them in your heated dish, cover with foil and shake to cover in the oil and to make them a bit fluffy - it makes them yummy and crispy. Then lay over vine tomatoes. Chuck back in the oven to crisp up - approx. 15-20 mins. The steaks - either ones - only need 4 mins pan frying on each side so leave these til last.

You can then dish out rocket and baby leaf salad onto each plate. A gorgeous dressing is 6 tablespoons olive oil and 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar plus a quick squeeze of runny honey. Mix it all up with salt and pepper to season. Leave this in your pot and ideally just put on the table so people can pour on as much or as little as they like.

Then take your 2 frying pans and get them really hot with some olive oil. Add your steaks and give them 4 mins each side, you can then take them out and let them rest whilst you dish your potatos onto the plates. They will carry on cooking a little bit and absorb all the juices.

Pudding - dead simple, strawberrie and blackberries piled high on a plate then melt dark menier cooking chocolate, add butter and nearly a whole pot of single pouring cream until you have a lovely milk chocolate sauce. Pour all over the fruit and serve immediately! Yum! 

Of course flowers and a card are a must. I recommend finding pretty and unusual jugs or vases from charity shops and making your own flower display in them with flowers from tesco's which are very reasonable. It looks more expensive and makes a really pretty gift. I found a gorgeous pink pearl ceramic jug and a really cute golden glass goblet vase both from charity shops. They worked really well and the Mum's were really pleased! Fantabulous!