One more sleep until I get my eyes zapped!

OMG! I am getting my eye's lasered tomorrow... I am sooo excited, I think it will be life changing I really do. I have no idea what it's going to be like and I have been told not to expect immediate results as whilst you're healing you may not have 20/20 vision but after a week hopefully you will be there... I won't be able to drive tomorrow or wednesday and I'm not allowed to wear eye make up for a week... gaaah! Oh well, it will be so worth it.... I'll write about what happens and how it all goes....

London!

Ok, so Boyf. and I went to London on Saturday night... yep we were out in 'the ciddy'. It was for a friends birthday so we thought we would make the most of it and stay in a hotel overnight. Boyf. had us booked into the Jury's Inn Chelsea for £99 not a bad deal for London. However, it wasn't brilliant. The room was clean, but the heating was awful and we were freezing most of the night and when the heat did come on it was so noisy it woke you up! Also, the bed was not the most comfortable and to top it off the lights fused as soon as we entered the room so not a very good start. For a posh Chelsea hotel it wasn't very posh, it was about as good as a Best Western or a Holiday Inn. In fact I think these can be better! The night was fun though and we went to a lovely Indian restaurant called  Chutney Mary's: http://www.chutneymary.com/ the food and service could not be complained about but it was pretty punchy... Main meals plus 3 side dishes and naan bread, 2 beers and 2 martini cocktails came to £120! Lovely, if you're feeling flush.
We then went onto restaurant/bar/club Mare Moto: http://www.maremoto.co.uk/ I don't know what the restaurant is like but it looked good. The bar and club were funky and cool but slightly on the small side. It was fine when it was early in the evening but from midnight the club became far too packed and a bit claustrophibic but it is clearly a very popular place. Ages varied from 30's to 18's. The music was fun and definately made you want to dance, current pop music and funky tunes. I will say great mojito's too!
I couldn't live in London though - it's too crowded and I need more space. It's so expensive too and I don't always think you get value for money. If you would like to go out for a posh dinner and get value for money, although it is still expensive, I would recommend L'Ortolan; http://www.lortolan.com/ It's very pretty, lovely service and the food is delicious. It can be a lot of courses but they are all small so you get delicious tasters and don't feel too full. If you buy bottles if wine, be careful as this is where it gets expensive and can push the price up. It's definately worth going to at least once though, just for the experience. Or if you want to try a really amazing experience in a london restaurant... try Dans Le Noir: http://www.danslenoir.com/london/ It is truly a unique experience... you eat in the restaurant in the pitch black! If you ever wondered what it was like to be blind this is the real deal. You can't even see outlines of tables or your hand in front of your face. It's funny because everyone starts talking really loudly as if because you can't see you can't hear each other either!? The waiters and waitresses are blind, which is amazing and they have memorised their way around. To go into the restaurant you line up behind your waiter and put your right hand on your partners shoulder or whoever is in front of you in your group and you get led to you table behind the waiter. I won't tell you any more as it is such a surprising experience you have to just try it!

Friday night and feeling shite

It's 8.45pm on Friday night and I have had to go to bed. I am exhausted and not feeling too good, I have picked up a bug and its taking it out of me. This is not allowed to happen though, we are going out in London tomorrow night and I am determined to have a good time - I will be better by tomorrow. If I keep telling myself that then maybe it will come true... I don't care I will be going anyway, I've forced myself out feeling worse!
Ok back to the assessment stuff. I went to the counselling session which turned out to be an assessment to se whether CBT or Counselling would be more suited to me. It turns out counselling is the best option; 6 weeks of one session per week. I guess this is just to give me another person to talk things through with, so I can feel like I'm not alone in all this... actually I have found writing this blog to be the best counselling....I write what I want when I want and that is quite a good feeling. I'll complete the sessions and hopefully it will make me feel better too, at the end of the day it can't do any harm and I suppose everything together can only help.

Talking Therapy - 1st session

I have my first therapy session this morning.... not sure what to expect but I will update this and let you know what happens. I kind of feel like it might not help but then I am trying to be open minded so lets see.

Feeling rubbish today....although was in the newspaper!

Not feeling too hot today and have had to blitz the house to make it spit spot for a viewing we are having this evening. Not necessarily wanting to sell but if we get offered the right price we could take them up on it.... Don't know if I want this to happen or not, it's a lot of hassle moving and we are just getting settled here really. Oh well, I guess fate will decide.
Not only that, tried to get a few groceries and unfortunately couldn't pay for it! I then had to go into town to get some cash out! How humiliating.
Zsa zsa and I were in The Daily Mirror today. It's very exciting... we did an article about lifelong friends; we have known each other since we were 5yrs old. She's a surrogate sister to me and I love her lots. We went through Brownies together, teen heartaches, throwing up after too much booze, boy talk, man talk then baby talk! I don't think we could ever loose touch, it's just not the way it would go, you know when you just know that you will know someone forever. Phew! thats a sentence and a half.

Oh Yay! Project One Renovate The Bird Cage

I have started reading my book and I'm getting into it. I sometimes have difficulty keeping up concentration on a book but the wind-up bird keeps me interested.
I am also very please because since I started writing this blog, I have been back in touch with some more of my friends - some of which hadn't realised how I had been affected by my illness and I think that is just brilliant! I am so glad and very happy.
I'm feeling excited about life again. I have started a small project today. I had bought an old bird cage from a second hand place in Bath a while ago and it was a bit rusty, so today I have begun painting it and making it all pretty again. I am just using a small pot of dulux paint which I found in the cupboard can you believe. It's probably not what the professionals would use but who cares??? Its the right colour - a sort of pale creamy mushroom colour and I intend to add a bit of gold spray on afterward followed by some shiny laquer. I think it will look lovely. Boyf. may not agree but then, who cares what he thinks... it's chic. I am taking photo's as I go along but I'm not sure how to share them with you just yet, I will investigate.

Here are the before pictures and after pictures!

 If you like it, let me know.... x

Three appointments ticked off!

Finally! One appointment to begin CBT; booked for Friday. One appointment for Neuropsychological assessment: booked for 1st March.
Also, went to the dentist this morning and got my teeth gaurd. £80 for a bit of rubber that fits over my top teeth... it better be worth it. I'm sure Boyf. will think so, it will at least stop the horrible grinding noise. It is comfortable to wear though so thats a bonus and if I am clenching my jaw during the day I can pop it in then as well.
Still haven't booked anything for our March excursion, not sure what we will end up doing.... need to investigate more Bath venues. On a high note I cheekily had my nails done today, well, I justify it because we are going out partying in London on Saturday night and I haven't done something like that for ages. I want everything to be perfect so we can just have lots and lots of fun. Boyf has booked us into a hotel for a good deal; http://londonhotels.jurysinns.com/jurysinn_chelsea
We have booked their winter warmer special - Bed and Breakfast, Double Bedroom for 2 adults is £99. Not bad for a London hotel I think. I'll let you know what it's like. You do have to pay £12 for overnight parking too. I think thats the norm for most places anyway.
Anyway back to the nails, I had Oyster gel applied to my nails. I didn't have a tip put on because I like fairly shortish nails so the gel was applied straight onto my nail. The nail tip looks like it has little bits of mother of pearl in it and is very pretty.... it's similar to how a french manicure would look only with more unusual tips. I love it. I had to have old stuff taken off so it cost £38 but if you are having it fresh it costs £33 and £20 for infills. It could be addictive.....

It's a grind

www.webmd.boots.com/oral-health/guide/teeth-grinding-bruxism

According to boyf. he has not had a good night sleep in over 6 months. Firstly I was talking in my sleep and now, on top of that, I have started grinding my teeth! I can't beleive it even has a medical term 'Bruxism', that just sounds weird. Well, I can't stop the talking but I can do something about the teeth grinding.... going to the dentist tomorrow to have a teeth guard fitted which I will wear at night. It's a bit like a retainer if you've ever had braces so I don't think it will be too noticeable or uncomfortable, not sure it's very sexy though... doh!

Thank de lord!

Thank you my guardian angels! Maisie has been returned to the bosom of the family! We had a phone call this morning from a vet in wokingham; she had been taken there having been found wondering not too far from where we live.... she is well and very pleased to be home. I am just so so happy, we are very lucky to get her back safe and sound.
I got the book The Wind-up Bird by Haruki Murakami out of the library today in celebration and will be reading it over the next few days. The synopsis is as follows:

Toru Okada's cat has disappeared and this has unsettled his wife, who is herself growing more distant every day. Then there are the explicit telephone calls he has started receiving. As this compelling story unfolds, the tidy suburban realities of Okadas's vague and blameless life - spent cooking, reading, listening to jazz and opera and drinking beer at his kitchen table - are turned inside out, and he embarks on a bizarre journey, guided (however obscurely) by a succession of characters, each with a tale to tell.

Maisie, we love you.

Maisie Cat still missing

My friend Flower recommended this book to me as apparently it starts with a missing cat, but it turns up in the end...
All the local vets have been informed and a leaflet drop about her has gone to all the neighbours so we can but wait and see. I just don't like not knowing whats happended to her but I suspect she has had a fit and we may not see her again. Sad.
 She is (was) a sweet little cat and gave me a lot of comfort, I miss her.

Lunch... it's a quandry

Generally, I'm not keen on lunchtime. Breakfast is fine, usually an Oats so simple porridge (apple,cranberry and raisen is the best one, avoid raspberry one..way too sweet) or Branflakes both of which I throw in extra raisens or goji berries if I remember. Lunch however always causes me a quandry... what to have for lunch? I guess my issue is I'm not fond of the common sandwich. I usually find them quite boring and for some reason I especially don't like the sandwiches I make myself! However today is a good day, I had sudden inspiration and took my two peices of bread, buttered them (I can't be doing with this no butter or marg nonsense) and inside put chunks of blue cheese with rocket and spinach leaves. It totally works! I am actually enjoying a sandwich I have made myself. My second best option is a boiled egg with toast. You can't beat a delicious dippy egg as my neice agrees. Oh and a good tip for keeping bought rocket and spinach leaves fresh is don't leave them in the plastic bag. Tip them into a ceramic bowl and cover tightly with cling film. It lasts much longer, stays fresh and avoids the grim gooey bits you get at the bottom of the bag when it starts to go off. Not sure what we having for dinner tonight, Boyf. reckons he will cobble something together... better not be beans on toast.

Romantic UK getaways

http://www.historic-uk.com/StayUK/RomanticHotels.htm

Absolutely loving this website. Lots of gorgeous different hotels to choose from all over the country and not too bad on the prices either; they will give you the total cost of the stay, rather than per person per night. I also tend to check them out on www.booking.com as well because they quite often can get a lower rate. Oo oo, excited!

Love Puffs

OMG was sitting with Boyf. on the sofa relaxing, last night when felt the need to release a love puff. Boyf. was disgusted with me. He seems to think being a female we should not do guffy's. Err hello? Just because I am female does not mean I am not human. I think if you are in the privacy of your own home one should be allowed to release the odd guffy. Obviously I wouldn't do so in public, I'm not that cruel. I said to him 'I'm sorry but I am not going to spend the rest of my life holding it all in.' I mean, I would explode! I'm not saying I am a really guffy person but it's ridiculous to think you can't even have a little parp in your own home. If they are a little evil then maybe you could go into a different room to be fair, but even so it's not very nice when you have trapped wind and its painful and uncomfortable. So I am starting a revolution. Free guffing within your own home is the new law.

Still waiting.

Just as an update, I am STILL waiting for my appointments to come through: One for a chronic fatigue specialist, one for a neurologist, one for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and lastly one for a neuropsychologist. This has got to be the most frustrating part when you have something wrong with you, constantly waiting and waiting for appointments and the anxiety build up which grows as you can feel things worsen in your body. All you can do is distract yourself and try to be patient. It is pants though.
On a more positive note though, laser eye surgery is just one week away. Whoop whoop! Also, investigating holidays with Boyf. We are looking for a three night getaway in March somewhere luscious (along the lines of boutique type stays) in the UK where we can pamper ourselves and eat fabulous food. I'll let you know if we find somewhere...Bath or similar is an option. Let me know if you have an suggestions of secret luscious places to holiday in the UK.

Odd

Feeling a little odd. I'm worried about my epileptic cat, she has gone missing. Again. (The first time she returned as if nothing had happened after a day.) It's been two nights and we have no idea where she can be. That's the worst thing, not knowing where or what has happened to her... I feel guilty that I couldn't protect her. I am praying she turns up tomorrow....

The Simpsons

Just watched the Simpsons with Boyf. it happened to be about Bart tricking his teacher into thinking she had a love interest through writing her love letters. I said to Boyf. he should write me a love letter. His reply: "Nothing to say....except, stop breaking shit and stop costing me money". How romantic. I said to him, "Thanks darling, being around you makes me feel so good".

Bridesmaids and stuff

I have been a Bridesmaid four times now and if I was to believe the saying, three times a bridemaid never a bride, I am well and truly screwed. I am to be bridesmaid for a fifth time this year, it is actually a very great honour to be a bridesmaid and I have loved doing it every time. I just hope this doesn't mean I will end up an old maid!
Looking forward to this afternoon, going bridesmaid dress shopping and having dinner with my very good friend DD. She generally gets me into all sorts of trouble but it's a friendship that works on many levels. It helps we are both slightly off this planet. I'm curious what she has in mind, we have similar tastes so I think the brown sateen will be avoided.
It's 11am and I am still in bed. Is that bad? I am just trying to motivate myself to get up. I need to sort out my rat tail hair, have a shower, tidy the lounge and just get on with stuff. It just seems like so much effort! Probably sounds like a dream compared with people who have children, I honestly don't know what I would do if I had children to contend with on top of my ordinary daily life. Right. Stop procrastinating and GET UP!

The Mill experience

Hmm, well, it was an interesting experience..... not quite what I was expecting. I don't know why but I kind of had this vision in my head it was going to be an amazing 3 course meal in beautiful surroundings followed by an amazing theatre experience....we had got our tickets through our neighbours and hadn't quite realised this meant we would be part of a rather large group of shall we say slightly senior people. The meal turned out to be standing in the queue and a choice of three main courses. A little bit like a cross between a toby carvery and a school canteen. We were then packed like sardines onto a long skinny table with barely enough room for our legs or elbow space. Not exactly the romantic evening I had envisaged.... and you can imagine Boyfs. reaction... well, we had to laugh! The theatre itself is lovely, it's small, intimate and professional. However the play we saw, was supposed to be a thriller and to be honest it wasn't really thrilling. The first half was played by two actors it was a just too drawn out, it didn't really have the momentum of a thriller. Also, the plot was rather obvious and we pretty much guessed what the outcome was going to be. Doh! We did enjoy ourselves really but it just wasn't what we had expected!

Out tonight! Dinner and theatre Sonning Mill... Can't wait...

Yes, seriously I can't wait. It feels like ages since I have gone out to something nice and I think tis will be really lovely. I have never been to The Mill at Sonning but it is supposed to be very good and our tickets include the meal first followed by the play 'Framed'. £43 each, so a pretty good deal really. Will need to paint nails; check. Scrape hair into some vaguely attractive do; check. Lastly am thinking long dress, for demure look plus its cold! Blue long dress with blue or black nails, hair up and sparkly earrings. Oh yes, I'm gonna rock it! Plus I want Boyf. to think I look gorgeous, generally when he gets back from work the look is not fantastic and it would be nice to remind him, he is going out with someone half attractive! Ha.
http://www.millatsonning.com/

We're over the trauma and movin' on...getting zapped!

Finally I think Boyf. has forgiven me. It turns out TV is just more susceptible to 'ghost burns' because it is so new. Anyway I can't see anything now thank goodness!
I have other things to look forward to... exciting news is....I am going to get my eyes zapped! Yes, I am going for Laser eye surgery. Whoop whoop! No more losing glasses, pinched nose, sore ears, annoying slipping glasses etc etc! Surely this will also help with my terrible spacial awareness and ignoring my friends when out in town too. Seriously can't wait. Date of surgery: 1st February. Cost: £490 in total with Optical Express. (I had a £300 discount voucher) I think the price is amazing and it will definitely be worth it. I will let you know what the experience is like. Apparently the actual laser itself takes literally only one minute... that can't be bad.

Boyf. will be home any minute...

Hmmm, apprehensive...yes. Will Boyf. be ok with me tonight? Don't know. Gaaaahhh!

Hmm TV looks like it might have mended itself...here's hopin'!

Have been exhausted all day due to no sleep over stupid TV. Finally have been brave enough to turn it on and put 'UP' DVD on. I don't know whether to allow myself to think the screen burn has gone or stay pessimistic and not be disappointed if it is not fixed. My nephew who is 3 thinks its fine. Is that a good measure? I think so.

Finally things are happening!

After being told by Oxford lead endocrine specialist that there was pretty much nothing more they could do for me. I have been given two new referrals... one for a chronic fatigue specialist and one for a neurologist! This is brilliant news as I know more can be done for me. Just because biochemically I should be 'normal'. I know I am not and the brain is more complicated than just getting your hormone levels right. I had to fight for this though and do research of my own, but it's been like that since I first became ill with Cushings and had to pretty much self diagnose myself as the local GP admitted 'he was sorry, but he did not know what was wrong with me'. 2yrs later and a lot of heartache and suffering, and personal research, I managed to persaude them I needed to see an endocrine specialist even if it was just for suspected polycystic ovaries at the time.... this led to more tests and a final diagnosis of the tumour causing me cushings which would of course eventually kill me. Brilliant.
The surgery which has cured me of the fatal disease unfortunately has given me another problem; my pituitary gland is non-functioning. Apparently there is no research in this country for people in my situation whose pituitaries don't work but have to just accept that they must just get on with life and drag themselves through every day. I refuse to accept this. I'm too young to give up, hence pestering my specialists and doctors to not give up on me either. I will write on this blog how I get on in my future appointments, I haven't received details yet and don't expect anything for at least 3 months or more knowing the typical wait times!
This is an interesting article to read: http://neuro.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/17/2/159
I will also at some point this year start Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and possibly have a neuropsychological assessment. I beleive that our mental state very much affects our physical state so I am going to get all the help I can and see if that doesn't troubleshoot a few problems! Ha. I shall not be defeated.

Phew!

Got a text from Boyf. to say don't worry about TV. Phew... altho if we get a new one I won't be allowed to touch/watch it. Oh.

Pituitary Gland Problem Symptoms and Cushings Symptoms

Pituitary Gland Problem Symptoms

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000704.htm

http://www.aboutcushings.com/understanding-cushings-disease/signs-and-symptoms.jsp?gclid=CK382erl1qoCFUtA4QodfwK17A

Common signs and symptoms of hypercortisolism aka. Cushings

Some of the physical symptoms of Cushing’s syndrome are easier to notice than others. Most of these signs and symptoms occur when you have too much cortisol (known as hypercortisolism) in your body for too long. Your doctor or nurse will look for specific physical signs of Cushing’s syndrome and may do some tests to better understand your symptoms. These include^1,2:

• A round (moon-shaped) and/or red face
• Purplish streaks across the skin
• Unusual buildup of fatty tissue between the shoulder blades (sometimes called “buffalo hump”)
• Unusual buildup of fatty tissue in the abdominal area with thin arms and legs
• Easy bruising
• Excess facial/body hair growth (called “hirsutism”) in women

Other signs and symptoms caused by elevated cortisol levels include headaches, backaches, swelling, feeling very tired, feeling irritable, appetite changes, memory problems, sleeping problems, repeated infections, acne, hair loss, and wounds healing too slowly.^3-5 Most of the signs and symptoms can be caused by other health conditions that are more common.

Next, read about ways to diagnose Cushing’s disease

References: 1. Dorland's Dictionary Online Web site. http://www.dorlands.com. Accessed November 9, 2010. 2. The Hormone Foundation’s patient guide to the diagnosis of Cushing’s syndrome. The Hormone Foundation. http://www.hormone.org/resources/patient_guides/upload/mgmt-cushings-syndrome-070609.pdf. Accessed August 4, 2009. 3. Newell-Price J, Bertagna X, Grossman AB, Nieman LK. Cushing’s syndrome. Lancet. 2006;367:1605-1617. 4. Nieman LK, Ilias I. Evaluation and treatment of Cushing’s syndrome. Am J Med. 2005;118:1340-1346. 5. Nieman LK, Biller BMK, Findling JW, et al. The diagnosis of Cushing’s syndrome: an Endocrine Society Clinical Practice Guideline. J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2008;93:1526-1540.

07.44am Waiting for the Samsung Call Centre to open....

Boyf. left for work at 6.45am, at least he gave me a breif kiss goodbye. Was worried at first he was going to just leave for work without saying goodbye to me at all. Since then I have been on my laptop looking for solutions for stupid screen burn. Expensive TV's should not be made in this way! Especially when there are people like me about... or there should be big warnings on them; DO NOT PUT ANY PROGRAMMES ON PAUSE AS WILL CAUSE SCREEN BURNS AND BREAK UP A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER.
Have found DVD which might help:

It's got to be worth a try so will order and hopefully DVD magic will save me.

Welcome to my world...

Hi there, if you are reading this then, welcome. I am doing this because it a) feels cathartic and b) its nice to share.
I'm not working at the moment as I am currently trying to focus and use the energy I have to get some doctors and specialists to HELP ME!
6 years ago I had the tumour removed to stop me dying from Cushings Disease. What I wasn't expecting was to fall into the small 10% of people who end up getting meningitus after surgery and to top it off a pituitary that had to be nearly destroyed because it had grown out of shape.
It's a complicated subject and few people know or understand it, and it has cost me a career and a few friendships.
It has also allowed me to do some very enjoyable things and meet some amazing people and realise just how amazing my family and some of my friends are. I find my life after surgery a bit of an anomolie, it can be brilliant and it can be like living trapped in a body that doesn't work.
I will try and weigh up the pro's and con's:
Pro's:

• I nearly completed a make-up artist course, something I never would have allowed myself to consider doing pre-illness.
• I did complete an Art Foundation Degree - again something I would not have done if I had not got sick.
• My family supported me like a solid brick wall that held me up through all the difficult times.
• I was able to meet a man who loves me and understands.
• I don't have to work.
• I'm not disfigured, on the outside anyway!

Cons:

• I am not working - leading to lack of earnings, leading to lack of self-respect, leading to dispair.
• Fatigue and apathy bog my life down and the effort to complete projects is like climbing the himalaya's.
• Letting other people down
• Constantly forgetting and losing shit
• Upsetting the people I love
• Weak body

Ok, so I will leave it even at 6 points each. I hate being pessimistic, even as I write the con's I'm thinking 'oh for god's sake, man up will you!' It's ingrained in me to get on with life no matter what happens. Oddly I do think I was born under a lucky star, otherwise surely I would be dead by now...? Not just from the disease I have had but also from the many stupid situations I put myself in in my youth! I have had some incredibly lucky moments. Like the time I accidently let next doors guinea pig escape and had to confess when I couldn't get it back... I was sent to my room where I prayed to whatever god or whatever is out there to bring the little guinea pig back...alive. Luckily, it did come back. I think more out of greed rather than thought of my meagre suffering, the cabbage and carrots on offer were too much for it to turn down. Thank you, whoever you are.
Then there was the time when I had been working in Sydney for 5 months and was supposed to be saving to go travelling up the east coast.... had I saved anything? Had I heck! I had had a great time, going out drinking, eating, sight seeing and generally living the life... so, what on earth was I going to do? In a pub in Sydney, my friend and I get talking to a couple of lads,also travelling, I end up telling them my situation (god they must have thought I was the life and soul!). It turns out they had made friends with a financial advisor in Sydney who was able to claim their working tax back. They gave me his name and I will never forget it: 'Archie Blue'. All I had to do was go and see him, tell him I knew and was friends with these lads and he would sort me out with my tax back! Bingo! I had money for travelling with! Extraordinary.
I'm not altogether sure where I am going with this blog thing, but I do know I need somewhere to bear my soul. Sometimes I wonder if I am completely barking or whether I can blame it on a damaged brain. I actually think it could be a combination of both.
I made a fuck up today, and I feel terrible. Boyf. bought an amazing HD 3D TV, supersonic in every way... we've only had it a couple of months and you won't beleive what I have managed to do.... or when you get to know me you probably will... but, today, I put a programme I was watching on pause and turned the TV screen off thinking it would be fine. WRONG!!!!! How wrong could I be? Boyf. got home before me so discovered the trauma first. The screen has been burnt. Over £1000 worth of brand new HD 3D television totally screwed because I wanted to watch 'Four Weddings'. OMG. Of course I have asked him if he wants me to pack tonight but he says it can wait until morning. The words 'I forgive you' were so far away I think they may have been taken out of the dictionary. I might as well have murdered someone. I feel terrible. The worst thing is I tried to look on the internet for solutions, but its all very depressing, no help at all and the stupid Samsung call centre closed at 6pm so couldn't talk to them about my problem either... Actually called and asked my brother to speak to Boyf. as he pretty much silently disappeared upstairs after the horrendous discovery was made. I didn't know what to say, I was hoping Bro. might have some magic answer that would make the disaster disappear and everything would be alright. Unfortunately not. Thanks Bro. So, we have been talking...civilly about our day after having dinner, and we go to bed. It is obvious Boyf. is upset but trying not to go mad at me and he is doing well. I on the other hand am not doing well, I have palpitations and ball of guilt sludging in the pit of my stomach. The knowledge that I have broken the prize TV, the TV that we have been proudly showing off ot our friends and family for the past month, is eating me up. If I had money I would throw money at the problem - thats always a good solution. Unfortunately, I have an allowance from my parents, enough to live happily from but definitely not enought to cover a brand new HD 3D TV. What am I going to do? Ok. Plan of action; tomorrow I will call the Samsung call centre to see what they advise... maybe it will heal itself? Its all singing all dancing after all, why can't it do this one little thing for me??????? Next, perhaps I can check whether we can get a replacement under warranty... I'm thinking this is a long shot and quite unlikely... but I won't get anywhere thinking like that. Any more ideas...... *?*....... I just don't know what to do. Perhaps someone will read this? Perhaps some amazing, wealthy, kind person will read this - like those types on Secret millionaire and offer to help me? Like by 'helping' me get a new one? I would like to say at this point I do very much beleive in both divine intervention and gaurdian angels. Oh, and that the kindness of humanity does still exist. If you feel you wish to comment on any of this or even to offer me helpful advice, please do.... If anyone needed it it's me.