Back at the folks house

Staying back in my folks house for a week whilst they are away on holiday so I can look after my Kitty cat. She is so cute I love her to peices. She's a real funny little thing but she's always affectionate to me it's like we have a connective bond.... probably because we are quite similar, she likes to mooch and I like to mooch. She likes her food, I like my food. What can I say?
It's actually nice staying here for a few days anyway, I like looking through some of the things I haven't yet collected from here like old photo's. Found some funny ones of Zsa Zsa and me back in the day... ahhh, to reminisce. I might read Alice in Wonderland again. There is something about that story that is so magical and appealing. I remember reading it as a child and wishing so much I could be Alice and have her experiences, it was both beautiful and imaginative. It's a story that appeals to me as much now as it did as a child, I still sometimes wish I could disappear into a magical world. I think that is probaly why I still like films like Harry Potter, the dark series True Blood and The Twilight books and films. Life can be very dry sometimes and we can become bogged down to much with reality, it's great to have a bit of an escape sometimes... right I'm off to back to the Shire now!

Segway!

Sunday morning was Segway! I had got Boyf. a voucher for xmas and we finally managed to get booked in.... It was such a laugh, we got to wear lovely bright yellow visibility vests and helmets which made us look a little bit tard. I had hoped for a sort of Lara Croft / Tombraider look but that flew out the window and Boyf. chose to put his hood over his helmet resulting in the pea on a fork impression.

We had a breif on how they work and then a practice run.... it's all based on your body weight and centre of gravity. It has no brakes so you control it completely by your body. It's a bit of weird sensation at first but as you get used to it, it gets really easy.

I was thinking I could do with one at home! One major problem though Segways are not road legal and you aren't even allowed to take them on public land. Brilliant. Our experience was at Dinton Pastures and we went for a 45 min ride around the lake which was cool. If you get the chance to try it - go for it. I got a voucher for my Mum and Dad to try it, anyone and any age can do it.

Boyf and I have got very excited, but instead of segways we might end up getting a couple of Vespa's! Whoop whoop! Neeeeooooowwww, Ciaooo! I can see myself whizzing along with that whole italian chic thing going on. Oh Yes.

The Hangover 2

Went to see The hangover 2 this weekend. I have seen the first one which I found really funny, it's worth watching twice as I think it gets funnier the second time around. The second one is pretty much the same formula but if you know that you know what to expect from the movie. Personally I thought it was just as funny and any film that makes me laugh out loud gets my vote!

A small breakthrough

Well there may be hope yet. GP has said he is going to refer me for a second opinion to somewhere in London. This is good because hopefully they will have a different approach to Oxford and maybe some different ideas as to how to help me.... I will just have to wait and see.

Limbo land

Well, the latest is, it seems no more can be done for me in terms of treatment. I am in such a small group of people with non-functioning pituitary's that there are not enough people to do research on. So I guess the next step is acceptance. I am feeling a bit lost though because I feel like I want to do something, something that gives me some sense of fulfilment but what that is I am not sure.....

It's Friday!

It's my neice Emily's 18th birthday today! I can't quite beleive it, but then I am 31. I am actually a bit jealous, its such a fun age to be; 18/19/20 were all brilliant. I'm excited for her!

Entering Zombie land

Its 11.15pm and I can feel myself slipping into that weird place where you should have been asleep ages ago but for any reason you are still awake and your thoughts start to jump around in your head. My thoughts run over one another like water and you can't retrace what your last thought was. Then you realise you must have been dreaming - I guess this is what they describe when you get hypnotised. Kind of awake dreaming. I want to go to sleep but the niggle that has kept me awake in the first place is struggling to go and now I am rambling again. My throat hurts. I was supposed to go somewhere tomorrow morning - I was supposed to be trying my first belly dancing lesson but, to be honest I probably won't go. Ever.

Boyf if you are reading this. You have really pissed me off. I had to say it here because I couldn't even bring myself to say it to your face. You had no real reason to make me feel like this.

Depressed, tired and confused.... and a pinch of angry

I just can't seem to recover from the weekend away in Prague, followed by another weekend being woken up in the early hours and then kept awake by someone vomiting. Apparently though I am not allowed to say anything or voice my opinions because 'someone' gets moaned at at work. So what I am I supposed to do suck it all up until it just implodes inside me. I'm so frustrated because I try to be sympathetic but sometimes when I am at my lowest ebb I just get another kick down from the one person I would like to just hold me and tell me  its ok and everythings going to be alright. I rarely get angry or pissed off but when I do its because I am so fucking tired I just can't cope anymore. It makes me feel drained of everything and I get this tight feeling across my chest like I don't know what to do with myself. Its at those moments when I feel trapped, trapped in this stupid body and to be honest filled with self pity. I hate myself for that, its like a perpetual cycle of being really pissed off you aren't the same as you used to be, the same as everyone else getting on with their lives, then thinking for goodness sake get on with it - look at everything you have got and see how other people are worse off than you. I do see that believe me and my empathy with others in worse predicaments is felt deeply. I should be happy and grateful, I get offered brilliant, amazing things but sometimes I can't see the worth in them because all I want really is to be normal.  I desperately needed an early night tonight but due to a turn of events, instead I am up writing this and feeling fucking miserable. I wonder where my self respect has gone - it's slipped away along with anyone elses respect. All I seem to able to do is spend money, think about how I look and get consumed in my own vanity. It's like that is my only distraction because its easy and its something I can do, it takes me away from my existence for a while. Its lonely too, because no matter what anyone else says, noone truly understands and the one wish I would have is that some one, just one person would understand. I would much rather be moaning about work than the usual being tired and the aches and pains.... this is where you start to think you could really fuck your relationship because if you go on about it all the time then it will get boring and all you do is 'whinge,whinge, whinge and moan and complain and you're never bloody happy!' I'm only fucking human! Everything seems like hard work, everythings an effort and at the moment..... I feel like giving up.
I re-read this and my first thought is about 'someone' I know he works hard and he is giving everything (and every bit of himself) to his work at the moment because he has to. He is tired too and maybe we are just both too tired to support each other at the moment. I have nothing to give and neither does he.

The Royal Wedding

http://news.msn.co.nz/article/8242864/wills-and-kates-double-balcony-kiss

How romantic and beautiful today has been. I didn't think I was that bothered about it on the run up to the event but, actually watching it happen live, it was really magical. They truly seemed like a couple in love and it was quite unique in terms of the royal weddings that have gone before. It really seemed like they were enjoying every moment and were happy to embrace the love of every person who had come out and stayed overnight to try and catch a glimpse of them. It feels like it could be a key turning point in the current history of our Royal family. A new leaf is being turned and finally through Will and Kate there will be a reunion between the royals and the general public. I don't mean this in a snobby royalist way but, more in the way that I feel they will be more down to earth and able to empathise with people. Less them and us and more of a united front. No matter whether you like the royals or not, they are undeniably a firm part of our history and they help make our country unique.This could be a big boost for our economy and general popularity in the world, which is never a bad thing.... We wish you joy and happiness Kate and Will - you deserve it.

A very useful and interesting read

Every so often I buy Psychologies magazine. I highly recommend it, its so interesting and very readable. A lot of the articles you can put into practice in your own life and they do quite a lot of questionaire type things to find out what sort of person you are. Most of the time I wouldn't recommend these but these ones are very perceptive and even if you don't seem to relate to the questions that much usually the summary which is for 'you' is surprisingly accurate. It can also help you gain perspective on different aspects of your life that are bothering you ie. life satisfaction, relationship dilemma's etc. I really like it and its better that Heat magazine which only purpose is to make you insecure about any wobbly bits you might have and whether you are still attractive without makeup. F**k you trash magazines. Although having said that I do like a bit of celebrity goss! Ha ha ha. Closer and Look are good tat mags for a bit of brainless reading. The only other mags I like are The Times Style magazine and The Times sunday magazine, perfect perusal mags for a sunny sunday afternoon relaxing.