January - a fresh new year, who knows what this year will bring??

January feels a little strange at the moment, I'm uncertain as to what my future holds. I guess I know what I would like to happen but this relies on other people. I'll be 33 this year, when I think about my childhood I naively thought I would be married by 24 and having 4 children. Now I'm thinking, I'll be lucky to get married and it would be amazing if I even manage to have one child let alone 4! My work situation probably won't change unless something radical happens with my drugs. I'm going to Hammersmith Hospital endocrine unit on the 12th Jan for a second opinion and to see if they have any more ideas how I can be helped. My issue is, according to the psychologist testing, there is nothing wrong with my brain but when I get tired it only functions at 50% as any other normal person. The problem being I get tired an awful lot. How can I be confident performing a job when I could make loads of mistakes because I'm tired?? I know I should be grateful I am still alive after my operation all those years ago but, why did it have to make my pituitary non-functioning, it sucks to be in such a tiny proportion of people with this condition that there is no research. There are not enough people to be able to do research let alone get funding for it. It's an odd position to be in because its like having a limb missing but because its on the inside you look normal and no-one would ever know there was somthing wrong unless you told them. Of course I don't want sympathy, that is not the answer. I have to accept my situation and deal with it. I'm not sure that I will ever completely rid myself of the frustration though, the frustration of not being able to work and do a job I really enjoy. You don't realise how much confidence and independance a job gives you. I miss the feeling of self worth and being able to go out and spend my money guilt free on whatever I wanted with no justification to anyone else. I am so grateful for my boyf and my family, they are my life now and they bring me happiness every day. I don't know what a long term solution to my problem is, I am guessing to try and let it go and not worry about it, time does go quickly no matter what you do.